OCT 30 — So now women, single mothers in particular, should be viewed as a product or commodity — like a prized car — or maybe in rural areas, the prized cow. They are to be treated as mere chattels. And men will be awarded for marrying them.
And for the single mum? Will being married (or remarried) be consolation enough for the woman? Will she have any say in this?
Wan Ubaidah Omar is the Women, Family and Health committee chairman in Kelantan. Her attention-grabbing suggestion, at the Kelantan assembly, was for men to be given awards for increasing their “quota”. Incidentally, “quota” is her definition for the men’s religious entitlement to four wives.
Unsurprisingly, all who agreed, were men.
Her intention to ease the plight of single mothers is good and genuine. However, she is deluded in thinking that they can be treated as mere trophies.
Her statement has only reinforced harmful attitudes towards women. It is also discriminatory, degrading and objectionable. Her suggestion, coupled with the reaction of the men in the assembly, is a mockery of the responsible position and office she holds.
But why only treat the symptom, and not address the cause?
It is a fact that there is an inordinately high divorce rate among Muslim men, when compared to the other races.
Why?
It is because of the Muslim man’s unilateral right to divorce his wife at will and for any reason. His right, as far as he is concerned, is to have four wives, to demand obedience, to beat his wife, to have sex on demand and to divorce his wife at will. To him, she is the perfect hostess, the guardian of his children, the cleaner of his house, the whore in bed, the cook in the kitchen. It is the ease and impunity with which men can pronounce a divorce, under whatever pretext that they choose, that is shocking. “Use ’em, abuse ‘em, leave ‘em.”
Yes, we did have laws to halt this apparent ease to divorce. But when certain sections of society objected to the amended Family Law, the lawmakers buckled under pressure.
And the result? A proliferation of divorce.
There will be some who consider my views anti-Islamic, even anti-God. Did He not grant all Muslims the right to be treated as humans beings of equal worth and dignity? All I can say is, listen to the many thousands of women who have suffered, who have been denied the right to consultation, who have no prior knowledge, no means of prevention, no room for discussion or the ability to negotiate terms of divorce. Some of these are close friends, family or acquaintances who have had no redress, several years after divorce.
Sure, there are laws to prevent “easy” divorce. Few adhere to them and the irresponsible men who were unlucky enough to be caught out were only given the most minimal of fines. Deterrent enough? Hardly.
Others will remind me of the kursus perkahwinan (marriage course). Of what use is this course where men are told how to beat their wives so it does not show, where to go for a subsequent marriage where the laws are lax, and their rights as a man are extolled, without taking into account respect, consideration and equality for the woman, his wife-to-be? All of these are laughable.
Wan Ubaidah was asked what was being done to reduce the number of divorce cases and what efforts were being taken by the state government to help single mothers.
Her idea of rewarding men if they were to marry these single women is no solution. It might even add to the problem. A marriage of convenience, for this is what it sounds like, will have no solid foundation based on mutual respect, trust and communication. Wan Ubaidah claimed that there were 16,500-registered single mothers below the age of 60 in Kelantan and this figure did not include those who had been left in a lurch by their husbands. She added that one dilemma facing some single mothers in Kelantan and the country as a whole was that many of them could not register at the Welfare Department or related agencies because their husbands had left them without filing for divorce.
So tell me, how are these women (who have been abandoned) to remarry because then they might be considered committing bigamy? These women are not the problem. It is the men.
Furthermore, this problem is not a recent phenomenon and whipping is not going to be the panacea of all evils.
The answer is to treat the problem and not a symptom of it. Ours is a traditional patriarchal society. It would be prudent to look at the problem as a whole, and in the context of the twenty-first century.
In today’s society, family is important, but so are money, education and skills. Women are now more educated, more financially independent with more opportunities are open to them. In comparison, some of the men she speaks of are poor, less well-educated, unskilled, have few social bonds, few social skills and turn to vice and violence easily.
We need to change the way we bring up and educate our little boys, and turn them into mature, responsible, caring, law-abiding, brothers, fathers and husbands who will respect their fellow woman and treat them with equality.
We also need to focus on building strong, long-lasting, happy relationships with a solid foundation based on trust, mutual respect and effective communication. Love, not mistaken for lust, might be a helpful ingredient.
The reasons for familial breakdown are well-documented. The testimony of the ex-wives and the despicable plight of the children left behind by errant fathers is evidence enough.
Focus on the upbringing and education of the males in our society. Amend the laws so that irresponsible men who mistreat their wives will think twice about doing so. Introduce effective deterrents, not minimal fines. And amend laws that do not discriminate women in our society.
Don’t take the easy way out and tell men to take on single mothers. Why create more problems? Just go right to the source and treat the problem. There is such a thing as “prevention is better than cure”.
And stop using religion as a means to justify a man’s right. Remind them that with rights, come responsibilities.
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1) To beat his wife, to have sex on demand and to divorce his wife at will.
If Man was a company, you'd be slapped with a lawsuit by now. Wife beaters are not very common, if you do not want to have sex on demand, he will get a second wife or visit a prostitute.
2) It is the ease and impunity with which men can pronounce a divorce, under whatever pretext that they choose, that is shocking. “Use ’em, abuse ‘em, leave ‘em.”
This is terrible to write. " Leading the Witness ! "
3) Women are now more educated, more financially independent with more opportunities are open to them.
So long as they take disciplines that will not put them in competition for 'male jobs' in the market, no problems. But do understand that some jobs are just unsuitable for men, so don't create a shortage of jobs for men. Take 'female' disciplines and help stabilise the economy by leaving lots of male dominated jobs open to males.
4) In comparison, some of the men she speaks of are poor, less well-educated, unskilled, have few social bonds, few social skills and turn to vice and violence easily.
Some men who are poor, less well-educated, unskilled, having few social bonds, and few social skills also have been known to have hearts of gold. They turn to vice and violence because of same kind of discrimination such labels traumatise their fragile psyches with.
5) We need to change the way we bring up and educate our little boys, and turn them into mature, responsible, caring, law-abiding, brothers, fathers and husbands who will respect their fellow woman and treat them with equality.
They are NOT fellow women. There is fellow men but women are not fellows. Let boys be boys, if they turn bad, let the law handle it.
6) Just go right to the source and treat the problem. There is such a thing as “prevention is better than cure”.
Send them to join the Comfort Corps? Or are you talking about castrating all men. You cannot 'treat' problems like these. Personality and emotional makeup are something family counselors and psychologists can take years to resolve.
Men worldwide and Men of the World, read the article on the link and be cautioned and aware on what is happening with all this feminist propaganda :
http://www.henrymakow.com/feminism_is_key_to_making_of_a.html