SEPT 28 — Aiyo, what is all this. Go clubbing then pissed drunk already, start peeing in public. Some more not even midnight yet, baru 11pm. If 2 or 3am already different la. Can't pee in a back lane ah? Must do it on the main road. Your father bought this road to be your toilet, is it?
Some more so many security cameras. This is the highest surveillance city in the world, some more got like that. And graffiti la, rubbish la. Might as well not have any CCTV like that.
Masuk the club only, wah, nampak only very canggih. Got so many rooms, all different DJs spinning different music. But actually, all the same only la. Everyone dancing to that same Black Eyed Peas song, what is it called again? Ah, "I Got A Feeling." Stupid song in one night they played five times. And we complain about format radio?
Then want to apply visa right, damn slow. Typical la, government servants. Then got this thing called fast-tracking. Pay like few hundred extra and two to three working days can finish. But call and ask for appointment, all booked up. Where got such thing? Fast-track but all booked means not fast-track la.
Turns out, the flers who booked it all up are these "immigration advisory services" companies. Basically lawyers who come and book it and then get your visa done for you for a small fee... of another few thousand! What is this? Basically glorified touting la.
"Visas! Come and get your visas! Sold out already. This is the only place to get it!"
Then weekends, haiyo, trains all not working. Like half of the city's trains kaput. "Planned disruptions" they call it. How like that? Can you imagine if you bought the monthly pass or whatever? Must rebate la. Two out of five days cannot use properly. But you think the government will do such thing ah? Of course not.
Then the bank say only got 24/7 service. Actually, call the phone banking line, nobody picks up. Want to enrol in university? Orientation is two days before classes but the hostel only opens one day before!
And where is this? London la, where else? The birthplace of modernisation and the Industrial Revolution and all that. If this is First World mentality, then syabas, Malaysia is also there already. Malaysia memang boleh!
But this is not just London. Paris also like that. Just that instead of humans peeing, it's dogs peeing. And shitting also and the Parisians don't bother to clean it up. Really like their father's toilet the streets there.
When you go into the metro station there, got these ads to learn English. But obviously, Parisians don't need it. One cheeky fellow decided to show off how much English he knew by scribbling on the ad synonyms for the anus and what comes out of it and also the act of copulation.
But then when you go to the information counter and ask "parlez vous anglais," straight away the man will say no and don't even look at your face. At least in Malaysia, how buruk your English also you try to layan the foreigner, yes or not?
If you try to buy a single fare ticket from Versailles — there, Marie-Antoinette and all that — back to Paris, they try to charge you €1.95 (RM9.75). But actually you can buy a normal ticket, which can be used on all the trains and buses also for €1.60! Yes, none of it makes any sense and I'd have asked about it if only the guy at the information counter didn't blow me off!
Speaking of Versailles, they also got one fast-track system. The ticket to visit the palace and all the other sideshows is €20. But if you buy from the tourist information centre, it's €22. The €2 is agency fee. Means what? Means you don't have to join the mile-long queue at the palace itself.
Then the budget hotels also very smart la. Book online charge you one nice price. Go there only, then got "visitor's tax" of €2 per person per night. Wah, sounds very Malaysian right? You go eat Chinese restaurant, then ask for bill, got RM2 for peanuts, RM3 for towels...
And you think Paris is one super-modern city, got free Wifi every cafe? Hardly. The cafes here not like in Malaysia where you can have a coffee while still getting some work done. Here it is for you to sit there and watch people walking by. Actually, dunno you watching them or they watching you.
But hehe, if you find one Wifi which needs a password, try la, the name of the cafe twice. So clever hor their password? Took five minutes to break.
Then at the Arc de Triomphe, got the grave of one "unknown soldier." Every day at 6.30pm they symbolically relight the torch. Basically one memorial service la. So you want to have a memorial service it's for the people to remember right? Instead, at 6pm, they start shooing people away and putting up barriers. Then only soldiers and their family and some schoolchildren allowed inside to watch the ceremony.
Sounds like one of our "buka kain" ceremonies, right? Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu will open this or that public event but only the VIPs can go and see. Best part is at the same time, because the Arc is at the busiest roundabout in the city, got some bunch of cyclists holding some kind of protest. Making a lot of noise, going round and round the roundabout.
This one at rush hour some more, creating a jam that stretches for miles down each entry to the Arc. Very good, right? People remembering the dead, you making a big scene.
If you want another example, go to Bern la, capital of neutrality! But it is actually one small town la. Same like Canberra or even Putrajaya! The Swiss government is based here but like Putrajaya, it is actually quite dead. The shops all close at 7pm and it is pretty much a quaint place.
Except, from the train station to the city centre, about 2km walk only, you will see one McDonald's in the station, one just outside, another along the way and another sign telling you where the next two nearest Golden Arches are.
And the shops may close at 7pm but the partying goes on until 4am... on a Thursday night. Logic ke? Memang tak logic. Welcome to the future of the First World — you don't even have to leave Malaysia for it.
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