AUG 12 — Apparently, I am somewhat a racist. You know, one of those folks who declare themselves "Saya Anak Bangsa Malaysia" to signify the concept of a colour-blind Malaysia. You will never hear me say that. I prefer that my fellow countrymen have different colours; it's nice, reminds me of air batu campur, tasty, colourful and diabetic.
Now come on, we all like to think of ourselves as liberal-yuppie-I-love-everyone-peace-Obama-God-loves-us-all types but truth be told we are all (Malaysians) generally. We’re not. It's not to say that we’re Nazis at heart but we are so used to categorise people that we tend to do racial profiling subconsciously.
Come on, ask yourself this: have you ever at least once said something that goes along this line “Bloody hell stupid (insert race) (insert profanity) simply masuk with no signal your father own this road is it?” Given the quality of drivers in Malaysia and the quality of YOUR driving I doubt it has never spewed out of your mouth.
I’m fine with that; I am fine with Ms Ong complaining to me about my race because her dog got snatched away by MPAJ because her neighbour complained about it. I understand her predicament and I won’t be judgmental because if I were in the same shoes, I’d call MPAJ and have her dog taken away. After two weeks of listening to the damn dog barking at everything that moves and doesn’t move, I can tell you muhibbah can go fly kites.
So the question is how racist am I? Of course I am not some crazy ultra ideologist who believes that my race is superior to everyone else, and stab people randomly with my keris. Guns are much more efficient than a keris any given day. I believe that all men and women (before I am branded a chauvinist) are equal, with the exception of me. I believe that I am superior to everyone else, the rest are equally inferior to me. Ahem. Okay now that I have made myself clear, let’s get back to the main issue which is how racist I am. Well I’m not a Nazi that’s for sure, but I am however somewhat guilty of racial profiling. Okay maybe that’s too much, let’s put it as stereotyping; yes Zaidel is racist because he likes to stereotype various group of people just for the heck of it.
Zaidel's standard stereotyping
Malays — Lazy; kampung, rempit; believe in bomohs more than in doctors; are more concerned about buying a Mercedes than child education; gossipers; easy to bribe with money or women, tendency for divorce/affairs/messy love situations and slow/rude government servants. Oh, when a Malay man gets rich he would get a Datukship and marry an artiste (singer/actress/model).
Chinese — Ah Long, complain about the police being corrupt but when they get caught doing something wrong, first to bribe the officer; sport ridiculous hair colour, Japanese wannabes; must have an English name; gamblers, triad members, and ultimate dream in life is to migrate to Australia/Canada/New Zealand and become Gwailo.
Indians — Lawyers; hate darker Indians, gangsters, illegal parking attendants, drama queen, drunkards; love curry; overreact; good dancers; like wearing gold and excessive usage of the word "Macha" and "Bro".
In fact thanks to the years of propaganda of Petronas advertisements, I now automatically address Malays first, then Chinese and lastly Indians. Even though there are also other ethnicities in Malaysia, I am not bothered to type them here, tak boleh-lah. I have a limit word count here in TMI, just pick one of the main three.
ADMIT IT
Even you are somewhat racist aren't you? If a Malay student gets a scholarship it's because of the NEP, if prices go up it's the Chinese’s fault, and a drunk driver falling into the river? Must be an Indian.
But fear not.
I have come to the conclusion that all Malaysians, regardless of what race they may call themselves, are generally lousy idiotic suicide drivers who will speed up when the traffic light goes yellow, tailgate because they believe every inch counts, and seem not to realise this thing called signal lights. Kudos to my fellow Malaysians who become retards whenever they are on the road with the exceptional few who are much more civilised (like me). Indeed our driving has crossed the racial boundaries hence this epitomises the 1 Malaysia concept. In fact, when it comes to traffic lights we Malaysians are colour blind: literally, green is go, yellow is go faster and red is go when there are no cars.
Yes I admit it, I am somewhat racially perturbed sometimes. And I am sure most of you out there share this problem. However if we can joke about it then I think we’re quite fine. We can't help having these little thoughts but don't translate these thoughts to hatred. I may dislike Ms Ong’s dog but I happen to like Ms Ong. Don’t be a hater, because once it transcends into hatred then we would have a really big problem. It's good to be honest, and honestly I am sorry that sometimes I can't help but do these things. Really I do.
I promise you that in the end it doesn't really matter. Look I don't hate you because of the colour of your skin. If I were to hate you it’s because I think you are an idiot whose illogical opinions are best shared with Bill O’Reilly. That or you are a horrible driver. At least I am honest, I’m not one of those so-called racists who pretends to be a liberal (whatever that means). Notice how on the Internet people who use the nickname “Malaysian Something” to comment and start spewing out racist stuff. Hypocrites.
But, if there is one thing that I have totally erased from any form of racial stereotyping it would be... the women. I am totally liberal in that way. You know how some prefer a nice Malay girl or a polite Indian girl who is good with the family. Me, I am open to any... let her be Iban, Caucasian, Indian, Malay, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Mongolian, Pinoy, Jewish, Arab, Persian, Martian, Anime character with blue hair and ridiculous body proportions. I promise you that I will always keep an open mind. I love women, all of them, regardless of the colour of their skin or where they come from. I don’t even mind if they are bad drivers.
CONCLUSION
Technically, when it comes to women I am totally non-racial. I am only racist to men. So that means that I am either a feminist or a lesbian. This is fine both ways for me. But seriously, my conclusion is feel free to make jokes, stereotype or make fun of each other. It’s fine to be a Malay, Chinese, Iban, Kadazan, Murut, Malaysian or whoever you may wish to be. Just keep in mind that people are different, like the spices that this great land is known so much for. Be proud of who you are, be proud of your culture, your identity and most of all be kind to your neighbour even if she has an annoying dog.
P.S: So ladies out there interested in some inter-racial inter…. err….. discourse, drop me a mail yeah at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it — 1 Malaysia indeed.
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