Ronaldo: Less than the sum of his parts
AUG 6 — Did you hear the one about Cristiano Ronaldo being uninsurable after crashing his Ferrari? Yes, after wrecking the £200,000 (RM1.2 million) sports car in January this year, insurers in Britain basically said that it was impossible to insure the Portuguese diver, err, driver.
First of all, he is under 25, which ups the premium in England, and the accident flags the new Real Madrid poster boy as a high-risk driver. But the former Manchester United superstar can be expected to have several other Premiership stars in his car at any given time and the payout for loss of earnings and obligations to sponsors would cause the premium to go above the actual cost of the car.
Of course, this is all rubbish since Ronaldo has just been insured for £90 million. Or, well, just his legs at least.
After suffering — I use the word suffering loosely since there are few players as talented as Ronaldo at "creating" freekicks. Yes, the lad is a wizard down the wings, indeed — 34 fouls in three pre-season games, his new owners have decided that each leg is worth a quarter billion ringgit.
Which seems to defy logical mathematics. If you paid £80 million for his transfer, and then insure him for more, does that mean his legs are worth more than the entire product? If so, then which parts of Ronaldo are causing a negative £10 million assessment?
But before we start making rather predictable jibes, Madrid probably wants to cover his massive salary which is reported to be over £11 million a year. And in fact, Ronaldo is not the first footballer to be insured for astronomical sums.
His predecessor at both Man United and Madrid, David Beckham, is insured for over £100 million, although, it will please Ronaldo, self-proclaimed the world's No.1, 2 and 3 player, that Becks' legs are only secured for up to £70 million. No one has been able to confirm whether it's £69.9 million just for the right peg.
These insurance deals puts into perspective the larger-than-life spectacle that professional football has become. Even unconfirmed rumours only put the sizeable assets that Jennifer Lopez sits on everyday at just £27 million. On the other hand, country singer Dolly Parton may not sit on them but maybe lay on them from time to time, so her bosom is only worth £350,000.
To put things into context, Ronaldo's legs are worth over 250 sets of Parton's twin wonders of the world. I'm not sure if the collective falling off of chairs at this moment is from the shock of the comparison, or the idea of 500 of Parton's puppies.
But seriously, you know things have gotten out of hand, when a pair of legs can be insured for roughly the same as the entire cost of the 2004 Athens Olympics.
On one hand, there were a couple of Greek sprinters withdrawing after allegedly staging a motorcycle accident in order to avoid a drugs test, the United States actually losing the men's basketball gold and Michael Phelps sweeping eight medals.
On the other, are the two stilts on which rest the sporting world's most gelled-up hairdo. You decide which is worth more.
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