Defending 1 Malaysia
| If you don't find our self-proclaimed resident humourist funny, we are happy to get your feedback so we can pay Jerome Martin less. If you prefer to give Jerome a tongue lashing, then write to [email protected] |
SEPT 20 — Sorry, I’ve been away. You know, it’s been difficult concentrating on work these past two years. I have to confess. I’m addicted to 1 Malaysia.
I can’t help it. Everywhere I look, I see 1 Malaysia this or 1 Malaysia that. Clinics, grocers, even mamaks lah wei.
And all of it is so cheap! I can get drugs for cheaper than what the fler around the corner can sell to me. I can have a meal with enough calories to last a week for just the loose change in my pocket. I can enjoy ice-cream for cheap under this ridiculous weather. Okay, Tony Pua, ice-confection. Geez.
I really never got what people have a problem with. So what if we spent more than RM38 million promoting it? We get all these great stuff.
But you know, then one day, I was browsing through websites online (a major part of this job, trust me) and found this — a 1 Malaysia bicycle.
Up to now, I’ve always been upset I couldn’t join the bike rides with Najib, Guan Eng and Tsu Koon. Well, With Najib and Guan Eng anyway. The reason was I couldn’t afford a bicycle. You know, because of the amount I pay for my car.
Now, I can definitely afford it. There was an offer for about RM550 only. Then I can cycle down to the Kedai Rakyat 1 Malaysia to buy my 1 Malaysia isotonic drink and save money I never intended on spending in the first place.
But just as I was about to step out to my local LeRun dealer, I realised. You know, this 1 Malaysia thing is a great brand. just put it on anything and everyone will buy it either because they think it is definitely the cheapest around, or they are being patriotic or like everyone else, they know that red, yellow and blue are the most fashionable colours to be seen in. Which is why we launched the Kedai Kain Rakyat 1 Malaysia two months ago.
And I gotta say, I was staggered by our PM’s promise that the number of 1 Malaysia services and products will have no end. Some more, he promised quality control: “We cannot allow the 1 Malaysia brand to be attached to just about anything. There are many who apply to use the brand; I agree to some and reject some.”
Good on you, bro, that’s the way. But I was thinking, that’s not enough. All these guys who apply to use, they just promise to keep prices low and then they get to use the brand?
Where can, like that? KFC and even Old Town Kopitiam also keep prices low. But they must pay for the franchise! Like at least RM1 Malaysia. Sorry, RM1 million. Got carried away.
And you know why? It’s intellectual property. I’m not sure how you can own things in your head besides your brains. Whatever it is, Apple managed to get more than RM3 billion for this intellectual property from Samsung.
And because Najib is the prime minister, who is paid a salary by taxpayers, and he says 1 Malaysia is for all Malaysians, then this is our intellectual property. Hakmilik Kerajaan dan Rakyat Malaysia. So we should start collecting from all these guys at least RM1 million each.
And bingo, we’ve solved the budget deficit! Who needs Petronas and palm oil when we have such innovative ideas? We can even self-finance the Bantuan Rakyat 1 Malaysia. Get private companies to donate the RM500 to all the poor households in exchange for allowing them to use the 1 Malaysia brand.
Don’t have to thank me for this idea, Najib. Just doing my patriotic duty. But if you want to give me a senatorship and make me a deputy minister (if finance is full, then PEMANDU also can lah), you know I won’t say no to serving myself. I mean, my country.
More than that, I’ve seen many shops and businesses simply whacking and putting the 1 Malaysia logo. For example, I really don’t know if LeRun got Najib’s permission, but we should investigate all this. Perkasa and Umno Youth should file police reports.
Or is it with the Companies Commission? I mean seriously, investigate Suaram for what? They’re a dinky little NGO who can’t even pay for their own lawyers!
As Malaysians, I think it is our civic duty to weed out this theft of national assets. This is a betrayal of taxpayers’ money and public funds. We cannot allow this to continue.
I call on all patriotic Malaysians, in the lingering euphoria of Malaysia Day, each time you spot a 1 Malaysia logo somewhere, call the Companies Commission hotline. Not only will you possibly be earning some cash for yourself and your children, the commission will also be very grateful for your help. This is not the police where the less crime reported the better.
And ahem, if it is true that LeRun simply pirated the 1 Malaysia brand, then, do I get a finder’s fee? And whistleblower protection? I mean, I didn’t reveal any bank documents, right?
* The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the columnist.
