SEPT 26 — At around 4am, my eyes flew open. I lay in bed, wondering why. My thoughts immediately turned to AJ, lying on his hospital bed. 

I got a cold, sinking feeling. Then the phone rang. As news of the death of the first boy to ever write me a letter sunk in, I cried.

I got off the bed, made a coffee, lit a cigarette and released my sorrow the best way I knew how. I sat at the piano for over an hour, concocting sombre melodies as memories of a boy I have known since we were 11 filled my thoughts.

I remember when his first letter arrived. My brother, who attended the same school as AJ, came home one day with a yellow envelope. As I tore open the letter with my 12-year-old fingers under my mother’s watchful eye, I gobbled up the words of the quiet boy who was extending a hand of friendship.

We wrote each other for a few months.

One time, my brother came home not with a letter, but a rolled up piece of art paper. 

Twenty-one years later, I can still see the drawing: I was standing with my hands clasped behind my back, hair tied with a ribbon in a long ponytail, a contemplative look on my face. Little rainbows and hearts were strewn about. In one corner, the lyrics of Belinda Carlisle’s “Leave A Light On” were neatly written.

I remember wondering why he chose that song. 

Life and distance got in the way over the years but the bond of friendship had already been made. Thanks to our friend Sean, AJ and I resumed our friendship almost 20 years later.

And for the last few years, I saw how the quiet artist I knew had become this passionate man of beautiful talents, a compassionate person who put others before himself.

At his funeral, I cried buckets, surprising even myself at the amount of loss I felt. 

Although we had lost many years in between, I am so glad we had the last few to cherish.

Like how AJ and I danced to “Leave A Light On” on my 30th birthday, I hope you too will take the time to dance to a cheesy old song with someone you care about.

It’s been almost a month since AJ’s passing. And a little longer since I last saw his glorious smile. I miss the goodness of his heart, his incredible warmth and wicked sense of humour.

Wherever you are, my friend, I hope there are colourful rainbows and little hearts all around you. And don’t forget to leave a light on for me.

* The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the columnist.