OCT 4 — I moderate and help out at an online forum which predominantly caters for Malaysian students. I’ve been around for about four or five years, and the place has grown on me somewhat. 

This forum has an interesting cycle of activity that repeats itself year after year. The hustle and bustle starts from March [incidentally when SPM results are released], steadily builds up as the weeks go by, and peaks some time around May or June [incidentally when most scholarship results are released], before settling back into dormancy by the time August rolls in. 

As one may easily deduce from this pattern of activity, the forum’s user base primarily consists of fresh-faced students between the ages of 16 to 20, mostly seeking information on scholarships. We receive students from a very wide range of socioeconomic and educational backgrounds, but quite a few of them are what some might call the “stars” of our education system. 

These are students who study in some of the best schools our country has to offer, have consistently scored string after string of As, and never fail to stun the nation with their sparkling record-breaking feats every year when SPM results are announced. 

These are students who have had, and enjoyed, 17 years of sweet success. These are students who always knew, almost intuitively, how to best prepare for these exams, and exactly what to do to bag that A. These are students who always got into whatever schools they wanted to get into. 

These are students who are constantly at the top of their game, and have, for as long as they can remember, been celebrated by their parents, teachers and probably the public at large. 

And then the annual scholarship results season rolls in. 

The lucky ones would rejoice and celebrate – as scholars, their future is more or less taken care of, and they have relatively little to worry about at that point in time. All they have to do is to get an offer from an approved university and their financial sponsors would take care of the rest. 

The cherry on top would be the fact that they are guaranteed a job [well, where corporate sponsors are concerned at least!] upon graduation by virtue of the bond that they would have to serve. 

But there will inevitably be some whose applications are declined. There will be those who would be in a state of shock and disbelief, until the reality of their rejection slowly sinks in, bringing along an air of despair. 

Now get this – some of the forum posts that followed truly startled me. 

Users were posting to say how they thought they were “worthless”, “useless” and complete “failures.” 

A few even went as far as to say that they were contemplating committing suicide, since it appeared to be the end of the line for them. 

But it’s just a scholarship. It’s really just a scholarship. 

It is worrying enough that a single rejection is enough to completely offset 17 years’ worth of success, but more alarmingly, these kids didn’t seem to know how to deal with rejection. Failing to get a scholarship might well have been only their first ever major rejection, yet they sounded as though they had lost their jobs, were up to their necks in loan-shark debts, and just had their wives walk out on them. 

It is only human to feel some form of disappointment each time a rejection is handed to you. It is also completely natural to feel gloomy knowing that trying to fulfill your dream to do an undergraduate degree overseas will be an uphill climb for your middle-class family. 

But crushing your self-esteem to the point of wanting to end your life? At the tender age of 17, one’s life should just be beginning. 

What have we done to our children? We lavish so much publicity, focus and attention on the successful stars, and the B students [let’s not even talk about the ones who struggle to obtain credits in examinations] get ignored, and sometimes even stigmatised. Such is the harsh system we have cultivated. 

We have taught our children to work diligently for their own successes, one A at a time. We have taught them that success only comes to the deserving, those who made sacrifices and put in the effort. 

But just because you deserve something doesn’t mean you will necessarily obtain it. Just because you work hard for something doesn’t mean fate will necessarily swing your way. How many of us have instilled this vital life lesson in the minds of our children? 

We have taught our children how to achieve success, but have we failed to teach them how to deal with failure? 

Are our parenting and teaching methods adequately preparing our children for life? 

* Yizhen has just completed her undergraduate law degree at the University of Oxford.

* The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the columnist.