DEC 16 — It all started when Sarimah Ibrahim appeared on “Melodi”, a TV3 programme featuring entertainment news and gossip which is a staple for housewives.
Sarimah, who was hunted by a pesky “Melodi” reporter with corny questions regarding her relationship status (they probably saw it on Facebook), commented along the lines that she wouldn’t mind if her admirers, who happened to see her in public, were to say hi or talk to her (she won’t bite) and that she prefers men who have a good sense of humour.
It just so happened that yours truly spent many Saturday mornings during his university days following episodes of “Samurai X” and “Card Captor Sakura” (yes that magical high school girl who collects cards) on “Kids @ NTV7” and saw Sarimah Ibrahim jumping around with her funny voice entertaining kids.
Let’s just say, Kak Sarimah brightened my Saturdays with her glow and positive energy. Yes, I had a crush on her back then and I admit I still do. So now, she’s single, wouldn’t mind random nerds saying hi to her in public and likes funny guys... you do the maths. And just to be clear with you folks, NO I am not planning on being her stalker.
But then what she said got me thinking about men with a sense of humour. How I have heard that many times over with various other women saying the exact same thing. Yes, that is what we are going to be discussing today instead of my nerdy fantasies of a cartoon show host. We’re going to talk about women and what they say about relationships and what they actually mean. Quite a transition, no?
The trinity traits
A person I have chemistry with, who understands me and yeah someone who can make me laugh. These are the three most common things I hear the ladies tell me about what they look for in a guy. I have to say, and I know many of you may disagree with me, in most cases, these statements can be considered bollocks.
Women just love saying the word chemistry, but when asked their actual definition of “chemistry”, you get this ambiguous blurry definition. You know it would be easy if they say that having chemistry is something like a chemical reaction. BAM! They prefer a man who is like Kalium, reactive and explosive, someone who belongs to the first three groups of the periodic table, a little bit of electrovalence action going on there. Maybe someone with a personality opposite to theirs, to complete them.
Just like how hydrogen meets oxygen and becomes water, when you both merge into a cool, calm and steady relationship, completing each other and achieving that octal balance. Instead I get something along the lines of “Well you know, chemistry, it’s like when we’re out and it just feels comfortable and I can like well be myself yet you know natural sort of thing like the two of us not too bla bla bla...”
Then, of course, we have that understanding guy, a person who understands her, that sensitive man who knows her and what she needs. Yes, it is true my fellow gentlemen, when women say they want to have a relationship with an understanding guy they really do! But sometimes they mean Best Friend Forever relationship and not Boyfriend, a confusion that is quite common amongst the male species... the best friend trap, really painful.
And the funny guy thing, I’m not really disputing it. I do admit that women do like to hang out with people who can give them a good time, i.e make them laugh. Let’s put it this way, I have never seen groupies throwing their underwear at comedians if you know what I mean. Think Jack Black versus Tom Cruise.
Criteria, variables and reality
Often though we keep hearing women giving all these criteria. In the end they have at least one relationship that defies all the rules. Falling for a total jerk with no sense of humour, having nothing in common and a clashing personality.
Both men and women do get into wrong relationships but when it comes to men, it’s usually easier to explain. For instance, he may get into a relationship with this really dumb bimbo who spends all his money and hits him physically, but man is she HOT or what, it’s the testosterone thing where the blood doesn’t go to the brain.
However, when it comes to women, it’s a bit tricky. Some say that subconsciously women tend to search for a man who is like her father, thus adding to the complexity in her judgment.
Truth be told, I don’t know how true that may be nor do I know why women do what they do. But I do know that these criteria are actually variables and by that it means they’re negotiable.
One may realise that when you find someone that you’re compatible with, i.e in love with, you don’t really mind that he’s not really that funny, that he is younger or that sometimes he can be really insensitive. It’s not that you should disregard all criteria, instead treat them more like variables and try to find the balance between the things that you want with what you really need. Which is why we shouldn’t be surprised that the person she’s fallen in love with may have absolutely nothing to do with what she said she wanted in a man.
Instead of zeroing in on the partner of our dreams, what it really does is narrowing down the playing field. Maybe that’s why many of us tend to fall for the wrong person, because we keep on insisting that he or she be like this and like that and when it turns out that it doesn’t make us happy, rather than altering our expectations we alter our reality.
That society or that this nation just couldn’t simply supply us with the sort of man that we wanted and that things would only be better if we were overseas and what not. How about for once, instead of worrying so much that he is too young for you or that you don’t date men with bad English, take your time and try out something new.
Perhaps you will be surprised at how negotiable these standards of yours can be. Of course I’m not implying that you should disregard them altogether but try to strike a balance between what you want and what you’re willing to take some chances with.
I guess this random erratic thinking of mine which was triggered by a very attractive television personality somehow leads me to this: the realisation that when it comes to love and romance, it’s an open field.
I have seen many things that don’t make sense nor should I be worried so much with perception. Perhaps Sarimah has learned something like that as well. Maybe that’s why she says it’s okay for random strangers to say hi, or maybe she’s just being nice to her fans.
But who cares, so what if she’s older than I am, so what if she’s waaaaaaay out of my league and who cares what she might think that I once watched Card Captor Sakura... it’s not that I have anything to lose. Once I manage to overcome this urge to ogle at her like a teenager who has just hit puberty, I will definitely say hi to her if I were to see her anytime soon.
So remember, ladies, when you’re bogged down by uncertainties or low confidence for fear that you may not be his type, always remember this Malay saying: “Sedangkan kapal terbang pun boleh kena hijack, apalah sangat hati manusia.”
* The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the columnist.