JAN 10 — Hello Malangkita’reans. I like to tell you a folklore story about a Riff-raff Psychic King. I am sure you will find it interesting and perhaps, let us make that a big PERHAPS, you will reflect on what you are experiencing today. My grandparents said folklores were created to teach us lesson or two about ourselves and the way we live.
Once upon a time in a near-and-here land called Malangkita there lived a group of wise men (at least that was how they and many others see them). These self-professed wise men (to avoid confusion let’s call this group Mat Jenin) were envious of the success of another group of self-professed wise men (and let’s call this group Luncai) in conning the people of Malangkita into granting them the rights to rule the kingdom.
One day the Chieftain of Mat Jenin came up with a brilliant idea and called for a strategic planning meeting. The council of self-professed wise men was convened. The Chieftain proposed that Mat Jenin engage the service of storytellers to mount a smear campaign against the Luncai. The smear campaign will target members of their council. Like all previous proposals tabled by the Chieftain it was unanimously agreed. Followers of Mat Jenin from all corners of country were directed to interview and recruit storytellers fitting the job specifications.
It is only appropriate at this juncture that I remind you that during folklore era there were no computers and the Internet. As such today’s bloggers are somewhat parallel in many ways to storytellers of that era.
Through the diligence of its followers a large number of storytellers were recruited. The storytellers immediately mounted aggressive attacks smearing Luncai council members. Amongst the thousands of storytellers, one individual stood tall and fat above the rest. He was tirelessly relentless in his storytelling. Diabolical stories of unscrupulously woven facts, fiction, hearsay and gossip attacking Luncai council members especially the top leadership were told on daily basis. He became an instant household name. Mat Jenin followers went to sleep to his stories and woke up in the morning yearning for more. Soon he was Mat Jenin’s Nujum Pak Belalang, the Silver Spurs Storyteller cheered and revered by Mat Jenin followers both dumb and dumber alike. To appreciate who Nujum Pak Belalang was I extracted from the Net the lyrics of the song.
Extract of Nujum Pak Belalang (song by Tan Sri P. Ramlee)
Dengarlah tuan satu cerita
Cerita dongeng orang tua-tua
Kisah tuk nujum yang terus mata
Bukannya betul semuanya auta
Kisahnya konon di Bringin Rendang
Dari hal tok nujum yang dah terbilang
Telek menelek semua temberang
Ahli nujum Pak Beialang
Wahai nujum Pak Belalang
Tok nujum serekap jarang
Wahai nujum Pak belalang
Hilang pisau di telek parang
Basically the song is about a man who is the father of a boy named Belalang, thus Pak (a Malay word, short for father). He was a village bum who gained fame and fortune by claiming to be a psychic/soothsayer.
The Malay-English dictionary translates “nujum” as an astrologer but in this context I feel it is refers more to a psychic or soothsayer. Anyway, go do your own research.
Moving on with the story; furious by the attack, Luncai retaliated by sending its hulubalang (warriors — those days they didn’t have the police or lawyers) after the storyteller. The storyteller got wind of the hulubalang coming after his hide and went crying to Mat Jenin. Being a valuable campaign asset/tool, Mat Jenin offered to save his hide and cut a deal with the storyteller. In brief the deal was; in exchange for safe passage to a far-away land plus a bag full of gold dinar, the storyteller would continue with his storytelling smearing the Luncai. The storyteller agreed and was smuggled onto a ghost junk (equivalent present-day underground train) and shipped off.
With a bag full of gold dinar at his disposal the storyteller lived surrounded by glitter and luxury. From a humble beginning as a village bum the storyteller now lived the life of a count or baron. Bathed in his newfound lifestyle he started negating on his promise to continue with his storytelling. One day when he dipped into the bag there was more air than gold dinar. The storyteller instantly dispatched a homing pigeon to Mat Jenin requesting for replenishment. After several moons the poor homing pigeon arrived home with a brief note written on banana leaf saying: “You must be kidding.”
With only the bag without the gold dinar he was soon out on the street, back to a life as a village bum but this time in a far-away land. Luckily he still has his hungry homing pigeon which he earlier was thinking of having it for dinner. He wrote a note and sent the dying hungry pigeon on another long flight to Malangkita (those days they didn’t have animal rights activists so no action was taken against his cruelty towards the homing pigeon).
Upon receiving the note, the Luncai council of self-professed wise men held an urgent meeting and unanimously agreed to seize the opportunity (which they always do) presented to them. After numerous exchanges of notes Luncai and the storyteller came to an agreement. (For the information of animal rights activists, the notes exchange process involved dozens of homing birds. Most of them died due to extreme exhaustion, flying in harsh weather over the oceans. It goes with saying that the first casualty was the storyteller’s homing bird).
With new backing he again became a household name revered by Luncai followers both dumb and dumber alike (sounds familiar doesn’t it). With his count/baron life style reinstated the storyteller was back to his old ways. This time, however, the stories were directed at smearing Mat Jenin and its leader.
Is there a point to the folklore above, Malangkita’reans may ask. I don’t know, you tell me. I am a writer so I write. I don’t have to make sense of what I wrote, you do. Well for the sake of Mat Jenin and Luncai followers who need to be spoon fed, let me make it easy for you.
1. Mat Jenin and Luncai followers are gullible. Sorry not gullible but VERY gullible.
2. Combined, Mat Jenin and Luncai followers make up a big segment of Malangkita population.
3. They are members of the governing or opposition parties and, most frighteningly, civil servants.
4. The storyteller catapulted into fame and fortune by weaving facts, fiction, hearsay, and what-not by attacking Luncai and being backed by Mat Jenin.
5. The same storyteller, using similar tactics of weaving facts, fiction, hearsay and what-not, now attacks Mat Jenin, backed by Luncai, again to gain fame and fortune.
6. The points of the folklore are:
a. Both Mat Jenin and Luncai followers revered him as the champion of champions at one time or another,
b. Both Mat Jenin and Luncai followers condemned him at one time or another,
c. Both Mat Jenin and Luncai followers accepted what he said at one time or another,
d. Both Mat Jenin and Luncai followers refuted what he said and claimed it to be malicious and irrelevant at one time or another,
e. BOTH MAT JENIN AND LUNCAI FOLLOWERS ARE BLIND AND DUMB NOT TO SEE HIM FOR WHAT HE WAS.
f. BOTH MAT JENIN AND LUNCAI DESERVED TO BE SUCKERED BY HIM.
The storyteller is the Nujum Pak Belalang of the post-modern era, a village bum who suckered Malangkita’reans with his storytelling. He should go down in Malangkita’s history as the ultimate Riff-raff Psychic King.
Then again, how difficult is it to suckered Malangkita’reans?
* Rozlan Mohd Noor reads The Malaysian Insider.
* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication. The Malaysian Insider does not endorse the view unless specified.
