Total Eclipse of the Smart — Gopal Sreenevasan
JUNE 17 — Sikitleaks, a website devoted to leaking all things about the Malaysian government, has recently disclosed the existence of a new KPI that the Prime Minister has been keeping secret. It is apparently a purely internal indicator, not to be disclosed, except to the top leadership of BN.
If Sikitleaks is to be believed, the top brass at BN are deliriously happy that this KPI has, by their interpretation, not just been met, but exceeded by nearly three times. These top leaders have been pressuring the PM to release the indicator to the public. Any meeting, never mind surpassing of a KPI they argue, must be made public. These leaders insist that the NSHOTF Indicator results must be released immediately so that BN can win back its 2/3rd majority at the next election.
The Prime Minister has been strangely reticent about releasing these results. If Sikitleaks is to be believed, it is because he is the only one who actually knows what NSHOTF means. Only he knows its portent.
The meaning of NSHOTF can now be revealed exclusively, based on leaked internal cables between the Prime Minister and himself. This KPI, previously so closely guarded is now known to mean the “Najib Slapping Himself On The Forehead” Index.
The KPI was devised by the PM and monitored by his private secretary, who observed and recorded every occasion that the PM read a news report, thwacked himself on the forehead and yelled “Bodoh”. Thankfully the reading of the news report and the utterance of “Bodoh” was not required in the acronym, for if it had, it would have added a thoroughly unfashionable length to NSHOTF.
The target set was steep. It was that the PM should not have to slap his forehead more than 500 times in 3 months. It was strict. The leaked cables suggest however that just last week, the PM has exceeded 1500 thwacks in the 3 month period. Followed by the expletive “Bodoh”, as faithfully recorded by his private secretary. The top brass of course believe this signifies a victory on the KPI front.
But, just take these last two weeks : his redoubtable Minister of Law announced that water and salt could overthrow a legitimate government. Then there was the drawing of guns at the PJ Corrall, where the deputy sheriff challenged the leader of the opposition to disclose his bank accounts, and when challenged himself, quietly holstered his pistol.
Add UNILOANgate, WWWgate, the unbearably boorish PRETTYGIRLINKgate and you would be forgiven for thinking that the PM has an imprint of his palm permanently throbbing on his forehead.
Which, as impartial and just Malaysians is not something that we would want. This is why, it is perhaps the first order of business for the new Chief Secretary to the Government to place an order, in true Malaysian bureaucratic style, for a “chop” of a palm print so that the PM can first ink and then roll it gently on his forehead.
For if he does not, his colleagues and the ensuing slapping will send him lurching for pain relief. And let us also not forget its effect on passersby in Putrajaya who will wonder what the sound of “thwack” followed by yells of “Bodoh”, bodes for the future government of the country.
* Gopal reads The Malaysian Insider
* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.